I heard someone once say there’s a difference between good advice and useful advice, and as simple as this statement was, it stuck! Too often well meaning people exclaim, “just be yourself” prior to an important interview, presentation, date, meeting our partners parents etc, this can be good advice, but not necessarily useful. How can you be yourself when you hardly even know who ‘you’ are? The secret is consciously creating yourself!
What if the person that you have been thus far is a people-pleaser of the highest order? Or you have always been the type of person that reverts back to self-abandonment in order to secure a nugget of approval? Maybe your personality has a tendency to become anxious in certain social situations, should you just be anxious? You may find yourself dominating the conversation on dates sending potential suitors running for the hills! Does the statement, “just be yourself” apply here or could you learn to lean more into your subtle feminine power?
Being yourself
First of all what does it mean to be yourself? Have you ever asked yourself who the hell am I? Many of us can just coast through life conditioned by parents, school, societal norms, environment, without ever truly questioning who they are. How can a person truly be themselves when they are not accustomed to questioning who the self truly is? So much of the self identity can be wrapped up in an identity that is tethered to wounds, conditioning and poor self esteem.
Challenge who you think you are
Through the process of individuation we learn to question our current identity which can be quite a scary process. The more that you explore deeper into who your ‘self’ really is you start to question why you accepted particular beliefs. You may even find that your identity is very challenged on subjects that you once used to define yourself. The proverbial rug is pulled from beneath your feet!
Create who you want to be
This is where the bridge between being yourself and creating yourself becomes important. I once heard someone say being yourself is the easiest thing in the world to do! And it begs the question, is it? And if it’s not why is that?
The more that we stay in social situations where we are forced to conform, or put another way, bend to environmental and societal norms that insult our soul, is the more we undermine, abandon and lose our true self.
Sometimes being yourself can mean putting two fingers in the air and walking in the complete opposite direction than the one society had set out for you. Sometimes it means creating someone completely different which translates as saying goodbye to old limiting belief systems. Sometimes it means asking why does my nervous system become overwhelmed when I’m at work, or around a particular group of people… and adjusting your life to create and honour the woman that you want to create.
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