What is the Messy Middle and What Does it Mean for Personal Transformation?
Transforming your life is such a beautiful and motivational goal to strive towards. You can be compared to The Alchemist, alchemising your essence from base metal to gold.
But what happens when you find yourself in the messy middle and all of a sudden it’s not all fun and games? Change may stir up feelings of fear and anxiety that can act as a literal spanner in the works. Experiencing fear, anxiety and overwhelm in the process of transition is not only common, but extremely natural so try to relax, nothing is under control!
Understanding Your Feelings When Experiencing Change
Being patient with your fears is the most compassionate thing you can do for yourself as you navigate the changes. By being self-aware you can process your resistance towards change by embracing your feelings. Change can take you out of your comfort zone which triggers the fight or flight response. This is the moment where you have to lean into the archetype of the mother and soothe yourself.
Navigating the Messy Middle of Personal Transformation: How to Embrace Change and Come Out Ahead
Suspend your imagination for a moment by imagining yourself as a child. Your resistance to change is a direct link back to your inner child. What is the one need that every child craves…? It’s security, and essentially you are pulling the proverbial secure rug right from beneath your inner child’s feet, you big meanie!
Don’t identify with triggering emotions no matter strong they may feel, think of yourself as the mother to a scared child. What would you say to soothe a child who is scared? What would you do? You might consider taking a break for instance, if the feeling of anxiety and fear becomes too much.
How to Take Action and Move Forward During Transitions
Contrary to popular opinion, sometimes the way forward is to take a step back. Take action by taking no action and wait for your inner storms to calm down before moving forward. Other times you may decide that charging full steam ahead is the best course of action.
It really comes down to what resonates in the moment, make decisions that align with your inner wisdom.
By imagining yourself as a child you are in a strong position to navigate these choppy waters because all you have to do is embody the spirit of your inner child. By doing so you will know what to say or do to motivate and coach her out of her fear.
4 Tips for Successfully Navigating Transitions and The Messy Middle
- Imagine yourself as your childlike self and all of the fears or limiting beliefs that she accumulated as she was growing. You have a unique opportunity to coach, educate and guide her in ways that she did not receive from her original guardians.
- Emotional intelligence will play a major factor in the messy middle. As corny as it may sound, keeping a journal is a great way to look at your emotions from an objective standpoint. Journaling acts as a type of roadmap keeping you informed about where you are going.
- Talking to others will help you to gain clarity and get the support that you may need to work through some of your triggers. The only caveat here is to be selective about the quality of support you lean on. You are in the delicate stages of transition and like a growing plant you will need to be deliberate about the environment and conditions in which you are exposed to – in other words, no negative nellies!
- Change the subject! If you find your transformation gives rise to resistance resulting in stressful emotions like anxiety, its time to pivot! Change the subject, do something completely different. Go for a walk, do another task, just make sure you come back to it after the resistance subsides.
Using Self-Care Practices During Times of Change & Transition
We are women, and as such we are unique mystical beings! There’s a cyclical nature that we have been denied by trying to conform to a system built around masculine energy. Take a break when you feel the urge to do so. Rest, read a book, listen to music, dance, play if you must, just don’t feel guilty about doing so.
Take the pressure off yourself during times of uncertainty by resting in your femininity.
Self care is an essential tool in your personal transformation arsenal. Carve out time for yourself if you find yourself experiencing burnout.
Too often women find that they have built their lives around others, caring for their partners, children, community and loved ones putting themselves at the bottom of this list and then become bitter or resentful when they feel empty. It’s your responsibility to look after yourself by making yourself a priority and doing the things that make you feel taken care of, after all are you not somebody’s daughter too?
Conclusion: Learning to Embrace the Messy Middle—The Key
Fear is a natural response to change and if your goal is big enough you should feel terrified. Learning to embrace the messy middle is going to make your personal transformation so much sweeter. There’s a theme that has been weaving its way through the body of this article and that is, surrender. There is a wisdom in surrender and its wisdom is often overlooked in favour of action.
There’s something to be said for the countless stories we hear about things working out for people just before they gave up. It’s not necessary to get to this point, by practising small daily surrenders you are now aligning yourself with its mystical nature. By embracing the messy middle you turn it into a fruitful and interesting adventure, don’t allow yourself to be intimidated by its scary veneer.
Comment below and let us know what tips you find useful during your personal transformation journey.
Bonus tips:
- Believe in yourself, having a healthy confidence in yourself will make navigating the messy middle so much easier.
- Dont compare where you are on your journey to others, comparison is the thief of joy. Research has found that when we compare ourselves to others that appear to be doing better this can be damaging to our self image.
- Always remember success is born in the messy middle – Stop to smell the roses and have fun, you have embarked upon an adventure
- Emotional intelligence will be required to manage your anxiety and fears
- Change happens in increments so be patient
- Have a strong vision of the person you want to become
- Write down your goals – seeing is believing and also motivating!
- Conduct regular progress checks!
- High five your damn self!
- Make that little critical hater in your head your best friend – before you know it, it’ll be on the sidelines of your consciousness cheering you on!
- Breath! Intentionally. Pause and take a breathe
- Have stamina, have it etched into your mind that you know the destination but not the roads so you’ll need to have grit. Buckle up and get comfortable in the messy middle.
