Is Your Trauma F**king With Your Feminine Energy?

Talking with my mother, a true blue feminist who raised both my sister and me as a single parent, we got onto the subject of dating. We spoke about what she wants in a partner and she unconvincingly rattled off some politically correct points about him just being a kind person etc… I stopped her dead in her tracks! Growing up with my mother, I knew all too well that she wouldn’t respect a man she considered “weaker than her”, and I called her out. 

“What you want is a masculine man”, she chuckled in a way that exclaimed, ‘you got me!’.

We got on to the subject of feminine energy and how it was synonymous with receptivity, and she visibly cringed at the concept of receiving.

My mother, a very beautiful woman, even as she entered her elder years, had never found harmony in her dating life. She had always been proud to be part of the “I don’t need a man” brigade! A proud feminist, and as her daughter I naturally followed her example. 

Proud strong women who did not need no man!

Are you ashamed of your feminine energy?

As I matured and got a bit more life experience under my belt, my views began to change!

Throughout my younger years, I presented as tough. I ignored my feelings in favour of mind-over-matter, and logical thinking. I would rarely cry because I would think, what does crying solve? In other words my feelings served no real purpose, but if I was going to feel anything, anger was the only acceptable emotion, why?

Because in anger I felt empowered, I felt alive, I felt strong. Although I was aesthetically “feminine” I was a tough girl, but deep down, I was vulnerable and out of touch with my true emotions and this was like nectar to predatory men. What I thought was femininity, was really wounded feminine energy which was steeped in internalised misogyny and exhibited as overt sexuality. I was like a confused, juicy, delicious, vulnerable, deer, walking straight into the arms of the unhealthy and predatory, male.

Trauma forces the feminine out of balance

Both genders are made up of both masculine and feminine polarities to varying degrees. Some women have a higher degree of masculine energy present in their energetic makeup and the same applies to men who may present higher in feminine energies. This being said there’s a biological reality that some third wave feminists refuse to acknowledge and that is this — women are different from men. In order to find fulfilment we need to learn to accept ourselves and that means accepting our limitations

And whilst there are exceptions to the rule, such as naturally feminine men, and naturally masculine women, this is not the rule.

Accepting our differences

I would say that I am physically stronger than the average woman, I have worked in a few male dominated careers however, I conclude — I am not as strong as the average man! I still swoon at how effortlessly a man can do something that I found challenging as a strong woman! When I say this to modern woman, I watch as they try to disguise the knee-jerk flinch this invokes, because as women, we have somehow equated equality and sameness as one and the same.

There’s an unspoken shame in what it is to be a feminine woman that has arisen from feeling mistreated, disrespected, attacked, oppressed and abused by the men in our lives. Where we haven’t been protected or felt the support of healthy masculinity, we have internalised this misogyny and become like men to provide this protection for ourselves.

Attracting predatory men

We may have also attracted predatory men because of disguising our vulnerability, even from ourselves. We have also perceived masculinity to be more powerful than the feminine and as such, much of the time, we have convinced ourselves that equality is what we want whilst surreptitiously reaching for some of that good ole power men seem to be enjoying. At one stage the feminist movement was about equality, these days it seems the pendulum has swung too far in the opposite direction and now it is about dominance and power over men.

Balancing – Yin & Yang

Everything in life is made up of varying degrees of polarity. Positive & negative, masculine & feminine, night & day, yin & yang, its all polarity. Women who are more dominant in masculine energy may get into relationships with masculine men and find there’s a power struggle, and they conclude its because the man is too weak to handle them. The truth is that there’s not enough polarity.

Evolution of man

Men are hard wired, from years of evolution to be… masculine! Leaders, protectors, providers to their woman and offspring. Granted there are many wounded masculine men that don’t understand what it means to show up for the feminine women in their lives. They align masculinity with over-compensatory, machismo and fail to provide a healthy masculine container for women. They use toxic masculinity to disguise wounds and deep insecurity, but we shouldn’t let this type of man harden us. Polarity is what creates healthy dynamics, and energy clashes can cause a lot of resentment if you are not aware of it.

The polarity between each gender causes masculine and feminine attraction. This goes beyond physical attraction and enters in the realm of universally understood duality concepts. These polarities are not just found externally but begin within us. Both men and women have masculine and feminine energy traits and attitudes. 

Balancing these energies within ourselves helps us to flourish in the world. The more we try to compete against the flow of nature, the longer it will take for us to find harmony.

Conclusion

It is not a competition between men and women. A man and a woman come together and it’s us against the world. Stop fighting your teammate. A guy wants his opposite. He wants someone who complements him, not someone who competes with him. Some women have dedicated their lives to becoming, in essence, a female version of the kind of man they want. Third wave feminism thought they were doing the right thing.

A certain life path was valorised for men, so they copied it. We’ve got to be able to reckon with the world honestly, and pretending things aren’t what they are doesn’t help people. Feminism was always about women’s place in the world and whilst 1st and 2nd wave feminism were good because it gave women much needed rights and jobs, much of it has completely derailed and become misandry.