External Validation: Overcoming The Need for It!

For a long time, I sought validation from others, believing that their approval would affirm my worth. I craved external validation in every aspect of my life—personal relationships, professional achievements, and even casual interactions. I thought that if others saw value in me, I would finally see it in myself. However, this pursuit often left me feeling empty and disconnected from my true self.

The Realization

The turning point came when I began to notice how fleeting and shallow external validation truly was. Compliments and praise felt good momentarily, but the satisfaction quickly faded, leaving me yearning for more. I realized that relying on others for validation was like chasing a mirage—it seemed real and fulfilling from a distance but disappeared as soon as I got close.

The Journey Within

Recognizing this, I decided to shift my focus inward. I began a journey of self-discovery, aiming to cultivate internal validation. This process wasn’t easy, but it was incredibly rewarding. Here are the steps I took:

1. Self-Reflection: I started by reflecting on my strengths, achievements, and values. I made a habit of journaling to explore my thoughts and feelings, which helped me understand myself better.
2. Mindfulness and Meditation: I incorporated mindfulness practices and meditation into my daily routine. These practices helped me stay present and connect with my inner self, reducing my dependence on external validation.
3. Positive Self-Talk: I replaced negative self-talk with positive affirmations. Whenever I felt the urge to seek validation from others, I reminded myself of my worth and capabilities.
4. Setting Personal Goals: I defined what success meant to me and set personal goals aligned with my values. Achieving these goals, no matter how small, boosted my confidence and reinforced my sense of self-worth.
5. Building a Supportive Network: I surrounded myself with supportive friends, family, and mentors who respected my boundaries and encouraged my growth. Their genuine support helped me realize that true validation comes from meaningful connections, not superficial approval.
6. Embracing Self-Compassion: I learned to treat myself with kindness and compassion, especially when I made mistakes. Embracing my flaws and imperfections became a vital part of my journey towards self-acceptance.

The Transformation

As I focused on these practices, I gradually overcame my reliance on external validation. I found that internal validation was far more fulfilling and enduring. I no longer needed others’ approval to feel worthy; I could affirm my own value. This transformation empowered me to live authentically, aligning my actions with my true self rather than seeking to please others.

Overcoming the reliance on external validation has been a liberating experience. It has allowed me to build a strong foundation of self-worth, enabling me to navigate life with confidence and authenticity.

The Role of External Validation in Our Lives

Validation is an essential aspect of our lives, providing us with the reassurance and confidence we often seek. In various contexts, validation serves as a powerful tool for acknowledging our experiences, emotions, and achievements. Whether in personal relationships or professional settings, validation plays a crucial role in fostering understanding and empathy. The pursuit of external validation, in particular, highlights our desire to be recognized and appreciated by others.

The Increasing Need for External Validation

In today’s fast-paced world, where we are constantly bombarded with information and opinions, the need for validation becomes even more significant. We long to be heard and understood amidst the noise of competing voices. Validating someone’s thoughts or feelings can create a deep sense of connection and support. Furthermore, validation also extends to the realm of ideas and innovations. When developing new concepts or pursuing groundbreaking endeavors, having our ideas validated can fuel our motivation and push us forward. It confirms that we are on the right track and encourages us to continue exploring uncharted territories.

Internal vs. External Validation

However, it is important to note that seeking validation should not be confused with seeking approval or external validation as a measure of self-worth. True validation comes from within; it is about acknowledging our own strengths, accomplishments, and growth. Overcoming the constant need for validation disorder is crucial for personal development. Learn how to stop needing validation and focus on internal validation instead.

To explore more on how self-worth can be improved using Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs, read How Can Self Worth be Improved Using Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs?.

Validation and Boundaries

On the journey towards becoming an empowered individual, you can be met with many challenges. Some of these challenges will come from those who are closest to you—children, partners, exes, colleagues, neighbors, and more. These people, despite their proximity and familiarity, may unintentionally or even intentionally place obstacles in your path.

Children might demand more time and energy than you feel capable of giving, leaving you stretched thin and struggling to balance your personal growth with your responsibilities as a parent. Partners and friends might not fully understand or support your journey, leading to conflicts or emotional turmoil. Colleagues might challenge your ideas or question your capabilities, undermining your confidence and causing self-doubt. Neighbors and other close acquaintances can bring about unexpected drama or distractions, pulling you away from your focus.

These interactions, while difficult, provide crucial opportunities for growth. Learning to navigate and manage these relationships while maintaining your personal boundaries is a key aspect of empowerment. It involves understanding when to say no, how to communicate your needs effectively, and finding the strength to prioritize your well-being. By facing these challenges head-on, you develop resilience, self-awareness, and a deeper understanding of your own values and goals. This journey is not just about overcoming obstacles, but about transforming them into stepping stones towards a more empowered and fulfilled life.

Your Sacred No

As women, we are often expected to be sugar and spice and all things nice! There’s an unspoken expectation that we are to be agreeable and not to rock the boat too much. There’s even science that backs up the claim that our genetics are wired this way for survival. We are naturally more accommodating, which is even more evident if we become mothers and our naturally giving nature is consistently active. But what happens when we experience the shadow side of this nature? When we find ourselves exploited by predatory, controlling, or narcissistic behaviors?

It’s too often the case that we give to the point of our own detriment as we do not include ourselves in the exhaustive list of people we are in service to. You cannot pour from an empty cup, as the saying goes. In reality, we should practice conscious selfishness by placing ourselves at the top of the exhaustive list. Eventually, with time and experience, we learn to do just that; we learn to honor our sacred no.

Recognizing Toxic Relationships

Often, this is the moment that you become privy to the tyrant. This person feels entitled to your energy, your time, your devotion, and when they do not get what they want, there is hell to pay. This person is the reason why too often we say yes when we really should be screaming NO!

Aside from our children, who are naturally egocentric and wired this way for survival, the adults in our lives who love and care about us are meant to respect our ‘sacred no’. When you find yourself in a situation where someone is walking all over your boundaries, it feels intuitive to submit to their demands. This is exactly the moment that you need to put a boundary in place and by saying no.

Testing Boundaries

Let’s say you are wrong about telling someone no. Use this opportunity to assess their reaction. Observe their response to your sacred no; you can tell a lot about a person in these moments.

You may be lucky enough to discover a tyrant in your midst. This is the type of person that would’ve siphoned your giving nature. They would’ve pitched a claim on your energy and used your agreeable nature against you. This person can come neatly packaged as the doting neighbor that lays their ‘helping’ on thick, the covert predatory partner that understands your desire for union, or the demanding old friend that doesn’t understand the production you take on every time you have to meet their unrealistic needs.

They usually make themselves detectable once you decide to say no. When you put your boundary in place, you may find yourself the victim of their attacks, grudges, or smear campaigns, which can be confusing when you are still attached to the idea that this person was for you. The sooner you realize that the tyrant can infiltrate under the guise of those closest to you, the sooner you can protect your energy.

For more insights on recognizing and dealing with neediness in relationships, check out Is Neediness Sabotaging Your Relationships? Find Out Now!

The Impact of Validation Seeking Behavior on Self-Worth

The constant need for validation can negatively impact your self-worth. When you rely heavily on validation from others, you may start to question your value and capabilities whenever external validation is absent. This dependency can lead to anxiety and self-doubt. By shifting your focus to internal validation, you build a more stable sense of self-worth that is not easily shaken by others’ opinions.

To understand how emotional intelligence can shape your personal and professional growth, read How Emotional Intelligence Can Shape Your Personal and Professional Growth.

How to Cultivate Internal Validation

• Acknowledge Your Achievements: Regularly take time to reflect on and celebrate your accomplishments, no matter how small.
• Practice Self-Reflection: Spend time understanding your thoughts, feelings, and behaviors. Journaling can be a helpful tool for this.
• Embrace Self-Compassion: Be kind to yourself, especially when you make mistakes. Treat yourself with the same compassion you would offer a friend.
• Accept Your Flaws: Recognize that everyone has imperfections. Accepting your flaws is a crucial step towards self-acceptance and internal validation.
• Set Personal Goals: Define what success means to you and set goals that align with your values and aspirations.
• Surround Yourself with Supportive People: Build a network of friends, family, and mentors who respect your boundaries and encourage your growth.
• Engage in Positive Self-Talk: Replace negative self-talk with positive affirmations. Remind yourself of your strengths and worth.
• Limit Comparison with Others: Focus on your unique journey and progress rather than comparing yourself to others.
• Mindfulness and Meditation: Practice mindfulness and meditation to stay connected with your inner self and reduce reliance on external validation.
• Reflect on Personal Values: Identify and uphold your core values. Make decisions and take actions that align with what you truly believe in.

Conclusion

Understanding the importance of validation and overcoming the need for external validation is crucial for personal growth. Embrace your sacred no, set healthy boundaries, and focus on internal validation to empower yourself and protect your energy.

For more insights on personal growth and setting boundaries, check out these articles:

• How To Embrace Standing Out & Being Unique To Empower Yourself!
• Conscious Selfishness: Unlocking the Power of Sacred “No” for Personal Growth
• Conscious Business: Aligning Your Intuition & Heart for Success

By implementing these strategies consistently, you will unlock the immense potential within you and create a life that is aligned with your true purpose. Embrace your personal power, and let your true self shine brightly!