What is Self Love & Why Is It So Important?
Many of us have a history of low self esteem which would’ve started from unconscious parenting and guardians who had their own wounds. If low self esteem is deep rooted, self love can seem like a mythological concept. You may have heard others speak of it, or you may have had friends or family encourage you to “love yourself!” You may even have been working towards this goal for the whole of your life, but like an elusive carrot on the end of a stick you were never quite able to obtain it.
Moving through life without sufficiently loving yourself is the root cause of most of the unhappiness we experience in life and can inhibit our ability to believe in ourselves. It leads to poor experiences, in the form of jobs, platonic & romantic relationships. It determines how much you get paid, from low economic value in the form of scarcity mindset, to an overemphasis of material displays of wealth in the form of houses, cars, clothes, status. It informs all areas of our life including, how we parent, how we love, what quality of life we will have and how much fulfilment we will ultimately get from it.
By embracing all parts of yourself including your shadowy nature, you have an opportunity to live a life where you can operate from a place of authenticity by staying true to yourself. Learning to love yourself opens the door to a positive self image and a sense of self worth which attracts better experiences and better relationships prepping your energy to discover a whole new dimension to life. All of a sudden you discover life is not such a bitch after all…
The Benefits of Practising Self Love & Living an Authentic Life
When you find yourself always chasing self love but never quite reaching it, it can lead to feelings of frustration. Maybe you are looking outside yourself for love and always feel like you end up with egg in your face! Sometimes you are being shown love through your relationships with others but you are just unable to receive it.
Perhaps you are in so much pain that the mere mention of ‘self love’ can trigger your pent up pain so much it bubbles over as rage! It’s as though the system is rigged and you’ll never catch a break from the suffering or emptiness that a lack of self love leaves you feeling. How can you practise a concept that you’ve never been taught?
How can you practise a concept that you’ve never been taught?
The good news is, though you may not have learned this concept from your caretakers, by taking responsibility you can learn to soothe your pain. By practising self love you become your own healer and are able to offer your very own self, the antidote to your pain… Voila, self love!
Tapping Into The Archetype of The Mother
Tap into the archetype of the mother! I know what you may be thinking… say what now? The mother archetype is the person that we needed when we were knee high to a grasshopper, she is the ultimate teacher of self love.
The mother nurtures children and protects her young fiercely, she teaches them important early learning fundamentals such as love. But what happens when the mother was not taught self love by her mother, and perhaps her mother was not taught by her mother? What happens when your mother was guided by the wounded feminine?
The Wounded Feminine is just that, wounded. She longs to be loved, but often travels down the wrong road looking for it.
Benig Mauger
Soul-connection.com
Breaking Generational Patterns Of A Lack Of Self Love
A lack of self love, many times can be passed down from generation to generation in a never ending cycle of pain and suffering. So the first thing we must do when we are seeking self love is learn to forgive. Forgiving our mother is the (psychic) starting point of self love! She was doing the best she could with the self knowledge she had access to at the time.
When we learn to forgive her, we have begun the process of self love and we begin to change the course of destiny for the generations to come. We also begin to heal the generations that have already lived, but that is a subject matter for a different day!!!
The journey towards self love is cyclical, so when you despair thinking why you are finding yourself in the same situation or cycle, despite putting so much effort into loving yourself, remember the archetype of the mother, she is patient. Be patient with yourself, you are unlearning years, (maybe even lifetimes) of a lack of self love.
Be Patient With Yourself
The journey towards self love is so subtle sometimes that you may fail to notice an opportunity to love yourself is presenting itself. The very act of being patient and forgiving yourself when you find that you are doing the same self defeating behaviours, is showing yourself compassion, a companion of self love.
Ironically, the more patient and forgiving you are towards yourself when you find yourself, thinking, doing or feeling things that are the opposite of self love, the more you accelerate your growth, because like any new habit, practise-makes-perfect!
Tap Into Your Imagination
When you think of yourself in terms of a loving parent, you can then see your wounded self in the correct lens, a scared, vulnerable little child.
You might want to tap into your imagination and ask yourself, what would a good mother say to a child who is scared or suffering? Really tap into your imagination and then when you come up with the answer do that! This is the moment when you can hone in on your higher self and trust your own inner guidance. When we are hurting, or lonely, or suffering, now more than ever you need to tap into your untapped reservoir of unconditional love.
Soothe your insecurities as though you are consulting with an actual physical child, because although you’re no longer a child, your inner (psychic) child is very much alive and kicking and her wounds are running the show that is your life.
Final word
Saying powerful affirmations are useful depending on what stage of the personal development journey you are at. Once your self image is more robust, affirmations work, but more often than not, when there is deep inner work to do, affirmations can be a mere bypass.
Self love may not be something that we can obtain overnight. Depending how deep your self love deficit runs, it can take a steely commitment to personal growth. It takes patience, and regression, and why-the-fuck-did-I-do-that-to-myself-agains!!! Personal growth never really truly ends, but the levels change, the suffering you have lived with, melts away and is replaced with a grit, an inner confidence and strength, that makes all the hardship to discovering this treasure within you, well worth it!
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