What is emotional awareness and how can it help you with your personal growth?
You probably already know people either professionally or personally who listen exceptionally well. People with emotional awareness remain composed and unflustered in stressful situations exuding a composed attitude about life.
They know how to calm us, soothe us and generally talk us down from the ledge when we are all caught up in our feelings. They are able to do so with such finesse that we are not hurt but feel soothed instead. You leave their company feeling unexpectedly healed, even if you haven’t managed to resolve your original issue.
Emotional awareness helps people to stay under calm pressure
You may have met people who are so good at balancing their emotions that they stay calm in situations where most of us would panic, or lose our composure. In their calmness they have clarity and can come up with solutions to problems that a panicking person wouldn’t have found.
They are able to make sound decisions even when under pressure. Some people with emotional awareness almost seem to have an ability to trust something higher than themselves… they trust their intuition.
The key component to people with people that exhibit such superhuman qualities is an ability to be brutally honest with themselves.
They aren’t reactive when they receive constructive criticism because they are self aware enough to know who they are and appreciate when they can learn more.
A growth mindset is a defining factor of these types of people as they are able to get past any fragility of their egoic selves and utilise any feedback to improve themselves.
These are the people others refer to as highly emotionally intelligent! They usually know themselves very well and this knowledge of self is why they are able to stay calm even if they receive feedback that doesn’t massage or satisfy their egoic self. This talent for knowing and understanding their own nature gives them a natural aptitude for understand the emotional needs of other people.
Emotional Awareness can be taught
If you are not like this, there is hope yet. Many people that end up with a level of emotional awareness, were not born with it. In fact, some may have started in positions that others may of (rightly) judged as completely ignorant.
Emotional awareness is a skill that is usually acquired through life experiences and subsequently can be learned. Navigating the emotional spectrum takes a moderate degree of emotional awareness and this becomes especially important when you’re aiming to become successful in personal or professional relationships.
It involves taking an honest approach by observing your emotions, how your emotions are impacting you and then being conscious of how these very emotions are impacting those around us. Emotional awareness gives you insight into others, how they might feel and this ability allows you to manage your relationships effectively. It’s no coincidence that people with a high degree of emotional awareness find that they reach success in most things that they do because other people champion them!
Emotionally intelligent people make others feel good and therefore receive support from others. People with emotional intelligence are happier than the average person because they have integrated the five components of emotional intelligence.
5 Components of Emotional Awareness
In his book titled “Emotional Intelligence – Why It Can Matter More Than IQ” 1995, Daniel Goleman, an American psychologist, developed a framework of five elements that define emotional awareness:
Self-Awareness
People with high emotional intelligence are usually very self-aware. They understand their emotions, and because of this, they don’t let their feelings rule them. They’re confident – because they trust their intuition and don’t let their emotions get out of control. They’re also willing to take an honest look at themselves. They know their strengths and weaknesses, and they work on these areas so they can perform better. Many people, myself included, believe that this self-awareness is the most important part of emotional intelligence.
Self-Regulation
This is the ability to control emotions and impulses. People who self-regulate typically don’t allow themselves to become too angry or jealous, and they don’t make impulsive, careless decisions. They think before they act. Characteristics of self-regulation are thoughtfulness, comfort with change, integrity, and the ability to say no.
Motivation
– People with a high degree of emotional intelligence are usually motivated. They’re willing to defer immediate results for long-term success. They’re highly productive, love a challenge, and are very effective in whatever they do.
Empathy
– This is perhaps the second-most important element of emotional intelligence. Empathy is the ability to identify with and understand the wants, needs, and viewpoints of those around you. People with empathy are good at recognizing the feelings of others, even when those feelings may not be obvious. As a result, empathetic people are usually excellent at managing relationships, listening, and relating to others. They avoid stereotyping and judging too quickly, and they live their lives in a very open, honest way.
Social Skills
It’s usually easy to talk to and like people with good social skills, another sign of high emotional intelligence. Those with strong social skills are typically team players. Rather than focus on their own success first, they help others develop and shine. They can manage disputes, are excellent communicators, and are masters at building and maintaining relationships.
Terms reproduced by permission of Bloomsbury Press.
5 Skills for developing emotional awareness
Ride the wave
- When you feel overwhelmed by intense emotions, you may cope by numbing yourself. Instead of trying to ignore strong emotions, you can accept and tame them by taking up the reins and learning how to ride them. This teaches you how to harness all of your emotions—even the uncomfortable or overwhelming ones you’ve been trying to avoid. You’ll learn how to ride out intense emotions, remaining in control of the experience and in control of your behaviour, instead of letting your emotions control you!
Speaking to your cells
- This is on the fringe of accepted social norms and therefore considered “woo woo” by the mainstream standards, but those of us seeking a high degree of emotional intelligence stay open to new ways to acquire self actualise. Speaking to your cells or body to encourage yourself to continue growing in the direction you desire is going to accelerate growth . This goes beyond positive affirmations, this involves embodying your conscious awareness. Scanning your body or where you are holding any resistance, too much excitement, fear or nervousness around your desires. It involves a keen self awareness, self knowledge.
Tuning into your inner wisdom
- Think of one of your desires, dreams or goals. It doesn’t have to be a big goal, it just has to be something that will make you feel good or better about your life situation. It doesn’t have to be a physical goal, it can be anything. While holding the thought of the thing you want in your mind, scan your body. Tune into the wisdom in your body. Listen to where you are on the subject. It could be that you are nervous about it, it could give you anxiety due the changes you will have to make in order to obtain it. Where are you holding the resistance, is it your chest that responds in the form of a tightening? Are you feeling any sensations percolating in your womb or your lower stomach? How onside are your cells? Listen to your feet, they have wisdom beyond what we have been taught. When you truly learn to tune into the wisdom of your feet, you will feel guided with each step you take. Once you are listening, you are now in a better position to influence the outcome by soothing the areas of yourself that aren’t aligned with your goal. The very act of listening is often all that’s needed to remove the resistance
Take charge
- Discard every and any thought that is disharmonious. You are the ultimate creator of your reality, it would be wise not to give your doubts any power as it does not serve you. As emotional intelligence would have it, what is actually happening here is that your doubts are actually trying to protect you from disappointment but in this case, your defence mechanism may be working against you and preventing you from reaching your goals, desires and dreams.
Triggers
- Various triggers can find us at the helm of our shadows….do your inner work! In order to be effective in this you need to have done inner work. Inner work dares you to look inwardly at the emotions that we often suppress. Facing down your demons can be quite scary, especially when you’re not used to taking the elevator down to your hidden depths, but when you’re armed with a shield of bravery, you are very well equipped for what you may find.
Summary
Many times we are encouraged to avoid difficult emotions because society does not accept, approve of or deem them worthy enough of being seen or felt. In turn we suppress these difficult emotions, relegating them to the shadowy corners of our subconscious. The masculine societal structure that has dominated the past few hundred centuries has valued masculine qualities such as action, drive, logic etc over qualities that complement femininity, such as the gifts that emotional intelligence brings to the table.
This has resulted in the devaluation of feminine virtues. This can encourage a culture of dismissal of qualities that are esteemed and empowered by feminine virtues. It falls on individuals to come home to the power of feminine qualities such as emotional intelligence and to be the validator, acknowlegder and space holder of the emotional spectrum of emotions.
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