Loosening the Grip on the Survivor Archetype: Rediscovering Our Full Selves

We all know the feeling of going through hard times, navigating challenges that seem endless, and emerging on the other side. This act of surviving can feel empowering—after all, we’ve weathered the storm, right? We take pride in our resilience, our ability to push through adversity. But what happens when we become so attached to this identity of “survivor” that it limits our growth? How do we reclaim the fullness of who we are without being overly defined by our past struggles?

As paraphrased from the wise words of Clarissa Pinkola Estés in Women Who Run With the Wolves: “It is not good to base your soul identity solely on the feats and losses and victories of the bad times. While survivorship can make a woman [or a man] tough, at some point aligning with it exclusively can begin to inhibit new development.”

This passage holds a powerful message: our tough times may shape us, but they should not define the entirety of our being. Yes, surviving requires strength, grit, and instinct, but when we cling too tightly to the survivor archetype, we risk becoming stuck in a narrative that no longer serves us. We are more than our ability to survive—we are creative, joyful, curious, and ever-evolving beings.

The Survivor Archetype: A Double-Edged Sword

Survival is an instinct deeply embedded in us. From an early age, we are taught the value of resilience, of bouncing back from difficulties, and this skill is invaluable. Whether we’ve survived personal trauma, health crises, financial hardship, or emotional struggles, the survivor identity can become a shield, protecting us from further harm and offering a sense of accomplishment.

Yet, over time, the very identity that once saved us can start to limit us. Aligning too closely with the survivor archetype can keep us locked in a cycle of looking for threats, preparing for the next battle, and viewing life through a lens of caution. We may unknowingly stifle our capacity to grow beyond survival mode, limiting our ability to thrive in new ways. By always focusing on what we’ve endured, we miss opportunities to explore what we can create, experience, and embody next.

“I Am More Than the Sum of My Tough Times”

Surviving tough times is admirable, but it’s only one aspect of who we are. As the paraphrase of Estés’ work suggests, we must remind ourselves: “I am more than the sum of my tough times. I will not be too proud of my instinct to survive; it is just a tool I developed—a very good tool—but I am more than sharpened instincts.”

This statement challenges us to see survival as a skill set, not as the core of our identity. Think about it: surviving a storm is a sign of strength, but the storm doesn’t last forever. Once the clouds part and the sun returns, do we continue carrying our raincoat and umbrella everywhere, just in case? Holding onto the survivor identity long after the storm has passed keeps us tethered to a part of ourselves that no longer needs to lead.

Survival is a necessary tool when life gets tough, but it should not be the only tool in our toolbox. We are also equipped with creativity, intuition, empathy, playfulness, and the ability to grow, evolve, and learn from joyful experiences as well as difficult ones.

The Danger of Over-Identifying with Survival

When we over-identify with the survivor archetype, we risk missing out on the richness of life. We may feel like we’re always bracing for impact, looking over our shoulder for the next challenge, rather than embracing the present and welcoming future possibilities. This hyper-awareness, while protective, can inhibit our ability to relax, trust, and enjoy life.

In addition, when we remain fixated on our survival, we might subconsciously attract more situations that reinforce this identity. We may even begin to seek out challenges or drama because they validate the only story we’ve been telling ourselves—that of the survivor.

The danger of this mindset is that it limits our potential. We are not just survivors; we are creators, explorers, and beings capable of profound joy, love, and connection. By loosening our grip on the survivor archetype, we open ourselves to new experiences and versions of ourselves that are waiting to emerge.

Loosening the Grip: A Call for Expansion

Loosening our grip on the survivor archetype does not mean we forget or diminish the hard times we’ve endured. It means recognizing that those tough times were part of our journey but not the whole story. It is a call for expansion, for allowing ourselves to evolve beyond survival mode into a life where we thrive.

How do we begin to release this grip? Here are a few practices that can help:

1. Cultivate Joy and Playfulness: Survival mode often feels serious and heavy. Engage in activities that bring you joy, lightness, and laughter. These experiences remind you that life can be more than just surviving—it can be fun and full of delight.
2. Redefine Success: Instead of measuring success solely by what you’ve overcome, consider new definitions. Success could be exploring a creative passion, cultivating deeper relationships, or simply feeling peaceful and content in your day-to-day life.
3. Celebrate More Than Resilience: While it’s important to honor your resilience, also celebrate your creativity, curiosity, and capacity for love. Focus on the qualities that make you a well-rounded individual, not just a survivor.
4. Practice Gratitude for the Present: Survivors often look to the future with caution or dwell on the past. Shift your focus to the present moment and practice gratitude for the peace, beauty, and growth that are available to you right now.
5. Seek Balance: Survival is necessary, but so is thriving. Make space for both. Trust that your ability to survive is always within you, but give yourself permission to explore what it means to live fully beyond survival.

Conclusion: Beyond the Identity of Survival

Surviving difficult times is an achievement, but it is not the entirety of who we are. As Clarissa Pinkola Estés suggests, aligning exclusively with survival can limit new development. We must allow ourselves to be more than the sum of our tough times, more than sharpened instincts. We are beings capable of immense joy, love, and creative expression, and it’s time to embrace all the aspects of who we are—not just the ones that helped us survive.

By loosening our grip on the survivor archetype, we open the door to a fuller, richer life. It’s time to move beyond survival mode and into the vast potential of thriving.